New York Magazine Competition

For many years, the “New York Magazine Competition” ran in the back of about every third issue of the popular weekly covering life in the Big Apple. Mary Ann Madden ran the competition and in my opinion, ever since they ceased this feature, the magazine has gone downhill. Readers were given a clever and funny assignment – often a play on words. For every competition there were a couple of first-prize entries, a couple of runner-up entries, and then several “Honorable Mentions”. I entered frequently and although I never scored a prize, I did make Honorable Mention quite a few times. I had saved these and came upon them recently. Here is a sampling of my entries that were printed. I have provided the year for each competition since as you can see, some of them are somewhat dated (especially the first one, obviously pre-DVD).

Competition 656 from 1989 in which you were asked for unappealing items from a catalogue:

VIDEO TOMBSTONE. Leave a personalized message. Granite or marble. Specify VHS, Beta, or laser disc.


Competition 659 from 1989 in which you were asked for the title and characters of an undiscovered work of drama or fiction:

“Gramercy Park” by Woody Allen
Russell, a neurotic accountant
Rose, his widowed mother
Daisy, his girlfriend
Paul, his lawyer and best friend
Linda, his ex-wife now married to Paul
Mr. Rockwell, the IRS auditor


Competition 664 from 1990 in which you were asked to define a familiar name, altered by one letter:

DON QUAYLE: Organized crime figure famous for making an offer you cannot understand.


Competition 775 from 1993 in which you were asked for an item from a doomed catalogue:

PHOTO TARGETS: Turn any picture into a full-size NRA-approved silhouette


Competition 838 from 1996 in which you were asked for prequels:

The Artist Formerly Known As The Little Prince


Competition 846 from 1996 in which you were asked for a no-news headline:

Gene Kelly Tribute Will Include Film Clips


Competition 871 from 1997 in which you were asked for the opening, flashback line of a film noir:

"Funny, I’d always thought Sylvia was a woman’s name."


Competition 912 from 1998 in which you were asked to invent and define goofy words:

posshillbillity – “You might be a redneck if . . .”