On the day that the rest of the world was mourning Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, our family was mourning the passing of our hamster, Rocky.
Rocky was young - only about 8 months old - but had very recently exhibited signs of illness, including lethargy, bloating and constipation. We believe he did not suffer long.
Nine-year old Molly clearly was the most devastated as Rocky belonged to her and although she knows people who have died, this was her first experience with death on a more personal level. I give her a lot of credit. Initially she did not want to see Rocky's body, but she eventually changed her mind and actually petted him one last time. As one might imagine, there has been a lot of crying in our home the last couple of days.
He died on Thursday and that evening I wrapped him in white Bounty paper towels and he lay in state overnight in a Kenneth Cole shoe box. On Friday afternoon, we held a brief service in which we all spoke about how much we loved Rocky and what he meant to us. I read a poem we had found on the web written by another young girl who had lost her hamster. Rocky then had a burial at sea (or at least, at Hudson River).
We were all affected by this cute little fellow whom everyone that met him adored. As much as a hamster can have a personality, he certainly had one, and even though all the books we read said that they don't like to be handled closely, he was most comfortable in Molly's cupped hands and sometimes even fell asleep in her lap while she watched TV.
Molly asked if we could get another hamster in the fall. My first question was, "Do we name him Rocky 2?" And will the next ones be 3, 4 and 5 - or should we start calling them Rambo?
Rest in Peace Rocky. We will miss you.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
When Did I Become a Follower?
I noticed it some time within the last year, when one person said it to me. Then it happened a few more times. Now, I seem to be hearing it an awful lot, including twice today before 11AM.
When standing in line waiting - for a cashier at the store, at Starbucks, to check-in at a hotel - I used to be called up, hearing "Next customer," or "Next guest." Now, all I seem to hear is "Following customer."
I am sure that some marketing guru published a paper on this since it seems to have become a trend. The problem is that I really don't like it.
Being "next" has a connotation that you are now going to be taken care of. You waited for your turn and now you are the next one who will be served. It has a sense of achievement, a sense of finality. You have made it to the head of the line. You have won something - even if it's only the right to have your purchases rung up.
Do people (not you - other people) watch "America's Following Top Model" or "Star Trek: The Following Generation"? Does the teaser at 10:59PM say "Coming up following on Eyewitness News?" Does the announcer say, "Caitlin Bree, come on down! You're the following contestant on The Price Is Right?" Do you ship things "Following Day Air?"
No. Of course not. You're not the following customer, you're the next customer. Let's suppose you approach the panel of tellers at an otherwise empty bank, but the two that are open are busy and looking down. You wait until one of them is ready and usually, they say "Next." If they say "I can help the following customer," who are you following? There's no one else there.
To make matters worse, I'm more of a leader rather than a follower. I don't follow. I don't want to follow. I want to be next.
So to all the stores, hotels, restaurants, banks, etc - just cut it out. No more following. In your best Johnny Olsen or Don Pardo voice just say "Matthew Grob, come on down. You're the next customer to order a latte!" And sound like you mean it.
When standing in line waiting - for a cashier at the store, at Starbucks, to check-in at a hotel - I used to be called up, hearing "Next customer," or "Next guest." Now, all I seem to hear is "Following customer."
I am sure that some marketing guru published a paper on this since it seems to have become a trend. The problem is that I really don't like it.
Being "next" has a connotation that you are now going to be taken care of. You waited for your turn and now you are the next one who will be served. It has a sense of achievement, a sense of finality. You have made it to the head of the line. You have won something - even if it's only the right to have your purchases rung up.
Do people (not you - other people) watch "America's Following Top Model" or "Star Trek: The Following Generation"? Does the teaser at 10:59PM say "Coming up following on Eyewitness News?" Does the announcer say, "Caitlin Bree, come on down! You're the following contestant on The Price Is Right?" Do you ship things "Following Day Air?"
No. Of course not. You're not the following customer, you're the next customer. Let's suppose you approach the panel of tellers at an otherwise empty bank, but the two that are open are busy and looking down. You wait until one of them is ready and usually, they say "Next." If they say "I can help the following customer," who are you following? There's no one else there.
To make matters worse, I'm more of a leader rather than a follower. I don't follow. I don't want to follow. I want to be next.
So to all the stores, hotels, restaurants, banks, etc - just cut it out. No more following. In your best Johnny Olsen or Don Pardo voice just say "Matthew Grob, come on down. You're the next customer to order a latte!" And sound like you mean it.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Cellular Abroad
I was ordering an unlocked GSM phone and SIM card for France from Cellular Abroad for my wife and daughter who will be there next month. It’s a pretty neat concept and all told, a good value – especially since we can use the phone back here in the US once they return as it is unlocked.
I placed my order on their website and after providing all the required demographic and payment information and hitting “Submit”, I received an error message that there was a problem with my order and to please call them, which I did. I spoke with a nice young man who looked at the order and initially said that everything looked okay, but then said “Uh-oh. Here’s the problem. You’re not accessing our website from the same area where the phone is being shipped.”
I was doing this from my work laptop through a VPN connection and our corporate data center is located in the Midwest, so the IP address that was read by their website showed that I was in Minnesota, and not New York where the phone was being shipped.
I was told that since there is big business in fraud related to no-contract phones, their website has numerous fraud prevention methods built in, including matching IP address and shipping location.
The geek in me thought this was the coolest thing ever, and I told him so. This elicited an interesting response – he was very thankful. Apparently, others who get caught by these and other fraud prevention tactics are often annoyed and angry, and he has to deal with these folks. It was an apparent ray of sunshine for him to speak with someone who not only appreciated their efforts, but found them to be cool.
I really am a geek at heart.
So if you’re traveling abroad and need a local cell phone with great rates for calling back to the US, check out Cellular Abroad.
I placed my order on their website and after providing all the required demographic and payment information and hitting “Submit”, I received an error message that there was a problem with my order and to please call them, which I did. I spoke with a nice young man who looked at the order and initially said that everything looked okay, but then said “Uh-oh. Here’s the problem. You’re not accessing our website from the same area where the phone is being shipped.”
I was doing this from my work laptop through a VPN connection and our corporate data center is located in the Midwest, so the IP address that was read by their website showed that I was in Minnesota, and not New York where the phone was being shipped.
I was told that since there is big business in fraud related to no-contract phones, their website has numerous fraud prevention methods built in, including matching IP address and shipping location.
The geek in me thought this was the coolest thing ever, and I told him so. This elicited an interesting response – he was very thankful. Apparently, others who get caught by these and other fraud prevention tactics are often annoyed and angry, and he has to deal with these folks. It was an apparent ray of sunshine for him to speak with someone who not only appreciated their efforts, but found them to be cool.
I really am a geek at heart.
So if you’re traveling abroad and need a local cell phone with great rates for calling back to the US, check out Cellular Abroad.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Do We Really Still Need to Be Taught How to Operate Seat Belts?
I fly a lot and usually ignore the safety demos. That’s not to say I’m not conscientious about safety. I always note where the nearest exits are – both in front and behind me – and when I’m in an exit row, I review what maneuvers are required to open the emergency exit should I be called upon to do so.
On a flight this week, the flight attendant made a particular point of asking everyone to please put down their books, open their eyes, and pay attention to the safety demo. And that’s when I realized that they still teach us how to buckle and un-buckle a seat belt.
Okay, I understand that there are people in this world who have never seen a seat belt, and so I can understand why such instruction might be necessary. I imagine, however, that such people live in third world countries and consequently I don’t understand why we still do this on domestic flights. If they took a plane to get here, they’ve already been instructed how to operate the belt in question. And of course, this also presumes that people who don’t know how to use a seat belt also speak English since that’s the only language in which the safety demo is conducted.
Seat belts were first used in aircraft in the 1930s. The engineer that invented them for Ford did so based on his experience as a military flight instructor and they weren’t standard in the front seats of cars until 1964 – rear seat belts became standard in 1968 – and the first seat belt law was passed in 1970 in Australia.
So I started thinking if there is any other technology that has been in common usage since the 1960’s for which instructions are still provided. The first one that came to mind was the touch-tone phone. When you pick one up today, do you hear a voice instructing you to “Depress keys with the numbers corresponding to the telephone number which you wish to reach, in the same sequence as the telephone number itself. After depressing the key with the last number, wait a brief moment until your call is connected. Once you have finished with your call, replace the handset in the cradle. This will terminate the connection.”
When you pick up the remote control for the TV, is there a reminder that you press the “Power” button to turn the device on and off, and how to use the Channel and Volume buttons?
And have you recently picked up a can of soda or beer and been stymied by the pop-top device, wishing instead that you still lived in the days when you needed a pointy can-opener to do the job?
Let me know if you can think of others. I just wish flight attendants would give us detailed instructions in how to open those tiny bags of pretzels or peanuts without either spilling them all over or elbowing our seat neighbor when trying to pull the seams on the bag apart and they suddenly give way. Now that would be helpful safety information.
On a flight this week, the flight attendant made a particular point of asking everyone to please put down their books, open their eyes, and pay attention to the safety demo. And that’s when I realized that they still teach us how to buckle and un-buckle a seat belt.
Okay, I understand that there are people in this world who have never seen a seat belt, and so I can understand why such instruction might be necessary. I imagine, however, that such people live in third world countries and consequently I don’t understand why we still do this on domestic flights. If they took a plane to get here, they’ve already been instructed how to operate the belt in question. And of course, this also presumes that people who don’t know how to use a seat belt also speak English since that’s the only language in which the safety demo is conducted.
Seat belts were first used in aircraft in the 1930s. The engineer that invented them for Ford did so based on his experience as a military flight instructor and they weren’t standard in the front seats of cars until 1964 – rear seat belts became standard in 1968 – and the first seat belt law was passed in 1970 in Australia.
So I started thinking if there is any other technology that has been in common usage since the 1960’s for which instructions are still provided. The first one that came to mind was the touch-tone phone. When you pick one up today, do you hear a voice instructing you to “Depress keys with the numbers corresponding to the telephone number which you wish to reach, in the same sequence as the telephone number itself. After depressing the key with the last number, wait a brief moment until your call is connected. Once you have finished with your call, replace the handset in the cradle. This will terminate the connection.”
When you pick up the remote control for the TV, is there a reminder that you press the “Power” button to turn the device on and off, and how to use the Channel and Volume buttons?
And have you recently picked up a can of soda or beer and been stymied by the pop-top device, wishing instead that you still lived in the days when you needed a pointy can-opener to do the job?
Let me know if you can think of others. I just wish flight attendants would give us detailed instructions in how to open those tiny bags of pretzels or peanuts without either spilling them all over or elbowing our seat neighbor when trying to pull the seams on the bag apart and they suddenly give way. Now that would be helpful safety information.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Okay, I Admit It. I Like Justin Timberlake.
Although I do try to stay on top of what’s going on in popular culture, with the exception of Entourage I don’t necessarily get very excited about many things going on in the media. Up until recently, that went for Justin Timberlake as well. I’m not a huge fan of his music, though I do like some songs
His appearances on Saturday Night Live, however, have begun to convert me to a fan. Aside from the fact that he seems to be genuinely funny and very creative – especially when paired with Andy Samberg – when I have seen him in interviews over the past year, it would appear that he has a brain too. It’s a sad statement that I find that the exception rather than the rule when it comes to celebrities.
And I guess that’s my point. Just because someone is a celebrity, does not automatically confer upon them the attributes of being smart, articulate, or having a point of view I am even remotely interested hearing about. It would seem, however, that Justin does have all those attributes, and for that I respect and admire him.
His appearance on the May 9, 2009 SNL was what made me think about this. Aside from the fact that he is so much more comfortable doing live TV than other guest hosts and that he is perfectly comfortable parodying himself for the sake of a laugh, he really seems to bring the rest of the cast along with him. There is a palpable sense that they are happy to be working with him and it showed in the output – one of the best episodes in a long time from start to finish.
No, it’s not a man-crush, and he’s not even in the top 10 of the list of people I’d like to sit next to on an airplane. I just think the guy’s got talent on many fronts and a good head on his shoulders.
One request, though. Please don’t refer to him as “JT.” There is and will only ever be one “JT” and that’s James Taylor.
His appearances on Saturday Night Live, however, have begun to convert me to a fan. Aside from the fact that he seems to be genuinely funny and very creative – especially when paired with Andy Samberg – when I have seen him in interviews over the past year, it would appear that he has a brain too. It’s a sad statement that I find that the exception rather than the rule when it comes to celebrities.
And I guess that’s my point. Just because someone is a celebrity, does not automatically confer upon them the attributes of being smart, articulate, or having a point of view I am even remotely interested hearing about. It would seem, however, that Justin does have all those attributes, and for that I respect and admire him.
His appearance on the May 9, 2009 SNL was what made me think about this. Aside from the fact that he is so much more comfortable doing live TV than other guest hosts and that he is perfectly comfortable parodying himself for the sake of a laugh, he really seems to bring the rest of the cast along with him. There is a palpable sense that they are happy to be working with him and it showed in the output – one of the best episodes in a long time from start to finish.
No, it’s not a man-crush, and he’s not even in the top 10 of the list of people I’d like to sit next to on an airplane. I just think the guy’s got talent on many fronts and a good head on his shoulders.
One request, though. Please don’t refer to him as “JT.” There is and will only ever be one “JT” and that’s James Taylor.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
New Calendar Entries
My 2008 George W. Bushisms calendar (which many of you read excerpts from here on my blog) was replaced by a 2009 “365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar. Though not quite as entertaining as the previous one, it certainly has it’s funny moments. Here are two of my more recent faves:
Actual Domain Names (read them carefully!)
Who Represents – A site to find agents of celebrities
www.whorepresents.com
Experts Exchange – A programmers site, though they’ve recently changed the domain name
www.expertsexchange.com
Sign at a Hotel Buffet in Mexico
Pene con Pollo y Curry
Penis with Chicken and Curry
Actual Domain Names (read them carefully!)
Who Represents – A site to find agents of celebrities
www.whorepresents.com
Experts Exchange – A programmers site, though they’ve recently changed the domain name
www.expertsexchange.com
Sign at a Hotel Buffet in Mexico
Pene con Pollo y Curry
Penis with Chicken and Curry
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Death Is Nothing At All
I had seen this poem before and always liked it. As someone who lost his father too early, I have often been somewhat philosophical about death - both that of others and when pondering my own fate.
I finally got around to getting the full version and looking into its history. Written by Henry Scott-Holland (1847-1918) who was the Canon of St Paul's Cathedral in England, it was apparently read as part of the sermon while the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster in 1910.
I don't mean to sound morbid, but when my time comes, I hope that those around me will heed these words. And for those who have experienced the death of a loved one, I hope that it brings some comfort as well.
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
I finally got around to getting the full version and looking into its history. Written by Henry Scott-Holland (1847-1918) who was the Canon of St Paul's Cathedral in England, it was apparently read as part of the sermon while the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster in 1910.
I don't mean to sound morbid, but when my time comes, I hope that those around me will heed these words. And for those who have experienced the death of a loved one, I hope that it brings some comfort as well.
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Six Degrees of Warren Brodine
Warren Brodine is a friend and former colleague. We worked together at RSM McGladrey and he is now a client as the CEO of a community health center here in Chicago where I am on business. Conveniently, Warren was celebrating his 40th birthday tonight so I was invited and able to attend the bash.
One of the jokes in the office was always that Warren knows everyone. It was easier to play "Six Degrees of Warren" than "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon."
This proved true tonight. At Warren's party:
One of the jokes in the office was always that Warren knows everyone. It was easier to play "Six Degrees of Warren" than "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon."
This proved true tonight. At Warren's party:
- I met Alan and Grant who just last week saw my in-laws in a documentary on LOGO;
- I met Doug who is a health law attorney in Kansas City and who works with an organization that I was recently brought in to speak with about a potential business opportunity;
- I saw Kelly who I had met previously through Warren and who holds a senior position with HIMSS (an organization that I am associated with professionally) and who has been an invaluable help;
- I re-met Dan. Dan did an Executive MPH at Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health and was a student in a class at which I guest lectured in 2006.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Facebook Is To Blame For The Paucity of Blog Entries
I joined Facebook back in December and have noticed an interesting phenomenon. The longer I’ve been on it, the fewer posts to my blog I’ve been making. Why is that?
I think it’s because of our increasingly shorter attention spans. In most cases, to write a blog entry I have to first have an idea or concept and then try to spend some time crafting some type of prose around that idea. That takes time and energy and while I certainly enjoy the process, I don’t always have the luxury of time or energy.
Then along comes Facebook, with the opportunity not only to jot down your own witty and pithy comments via status messages, but also view those of your friends. Of course, the witty and pithy quality of many of your friends’ statuses is questionable. “Just took the dog for a walk” is ridiculous – unless you’re talking about a yo-yo.
I haven’t explored Twitter yet but don’t think I’ll like it. At least Facebook gives you more than just the status messages. Some of my friends do post interesting links, notes and pictures. And as much as I love and respect my 17-year old nephew, this peek into his world, his friends and their goings-on sometimes makes me wonder if I was ever that inhibited in my younger days.
So here I am, writing a blog entry about Facebook. And not just about Facebook, but about my status messages. You see, I think I’ve become a bit more sophisticated about these things since I’ve started using it and also reading the status messages of some of my funnier friends. My favorites are by Joe Dator, but then he’s a professional humorist so I expect nothing less. Here then, is a sampling of those little messages forcibly written in the third person. Enjoy!
I think it’s because of our increasingly shorter attention spans. In most cases, to write a blog entry I have to first have an idea or concept and then try to spend some time crafting some type of prose around that idea. That takes time and energy and while I certainly enjoy the process, I don’t always have the luxury of time or energy.
Then along comes Facebook, with the opportunity not only to jot down your own witty and pithy comments via status messages, but also view those of your friends. Of course, the witty and pithy quality of many of your friends’ statuses is questionable. “Just took the dog for a walk” is ridiculous – unless you’re talking about a yo-yo.
I haven’t explored Twitter yet but don’t think I’ll like it. At least Facebook gives you more than just the status messages. Some of my friends do post interesting links, notes and pictures. And as much as I love and respect my 17-year old nephew, this peek into his world, his friends and their goings-on sometimes makes me wonder if I was ever that inhibited in my younger days.
So here I am, writing a blog entry about Facebook. And not just about Facebook, but about my status messages. You see, I think I’ve become a bit more sophisticated about these things since I’ve started using it and also reading the status messages of some of my funnier friends. My favorites are by Joe Dator, but then he’s a professional humorist so I expect nothing less. Here then, is a sampling of those little messages forcibly written in the third person. Enjoy!
- Matthew is trying to remember if the Talmud instructs us to eat Chinese food on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
- Matthew wants to be taken to Funkytown.
- Matthew can't decide whether he wants to be the eggman or the walrus.
- Matthew is doing the Locomotion.
- Matthew shot the sheriff but he did not shoot the deputy.
- Matthew is calling Ghostbusters.
- Matthew thinks that while comedians may be disappointed that Dubbya is gone, they should be thankful for Rod Blagojevich.
- Matthew thinks it a bit strange that Facebook statuses are told in the third-person. Matthew thinks this is rather like a particular Seinfeld episode.
- Matthew can't wait to get stimulated by the Federal government.
- Matthew thinks that the golden age of rock 'n roll was when bands were named after places (e.g. Chicago, Boston, Kansas).
- Matthew is happy that the official start of spring has arrived - The Allman Brothers start their annual 3-week gig at The Beacon tonight.
- Matthew is having lunch today with Zero Mostel's nephew.
- Matthew just had 17 kids in the house for Sam's birthday party. Now where's that bottle of Scotch?
- Matthew remembers better days when referring to "Bernie" meant Williams of the Yankees and not Madoff.
- Matthew saw a down & out kinda guy on the street today holding a sign that said "Please give me money for beer, drugs and a hooker (at least I'm not bullshitting you)."
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Coffee Nirvana
I don't usually claim something to be "the best" as I recognize that everyone's tastes, priorities, desires, etc. are different.
I can, however, and without qualification state that I had the best cup of coffee (okay it was a cappuccino) yesterday and it was thanks to the folks at Ninth Street Espresso.
I've had really bad coffee and really good coffee. Ninth Street Espresso is off the charts on the good side of that spectrum. I have never had such a strong reaction to something so good, which surprised me.
There are only 6 or 7 things on the menu and they are all coffee. A Mocha is about as fancy as they get, and the quality comes from a combination of the beans, the roasting and the preparation which is done with great care.
I also love the last item on the list of house rules. "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free dog." Outrageously outstanding coffee, free WiFi AND a sense of humor. What's not to love?
I can, however, and without qualification state that I had the best cup of coffee (okay it was a cappuccino) yesterday and it was thanks to the folks at Ninth Street Espresso.
I've had really bad coffee and really good coffee. Ninth Street Espresso is off the charts on the good side of that spectrum. I have never had such a strong reaction to something so good, which surprised me.
There are only 6 or 7 things on the menu and they are all coffee. A Mocha is about as fancy as they get, and the quality comes from a combination of the beans, the roasting and the preparation which is done with great care.
I also love the last item on the list of house rules. "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free dog." Outrageously outstanding coffee, free WiFi AND a sense of humor. What's not to love?
Sunday, February 01, 2009
The Paper Goods on Shabbat Story
Over MLK weekend, we held the fifth Limmud NY conference at the Nevele (see my original post "Coming Home to the Catskills") and it was not without its challenges, namely that the hotel was unable to get the heat going in the building until after the conference had started. Even then, it never got to parts of the hotel all weekend. And this was the weekend that arctic chill hit the region with overnight lows below zero, not even factoring in wind chill.
I had been asked to be the M.C. for our big Sunday night event - a Catskills-style variety show. I had prepared some shtick in advance and was looking forward to being a "kosher ham." Little did I know that the problems with the heat would have provided me with a story which, when I told it between acts at the show, turned out to be one of the highlights of the weekend. Aside from the laughs I got while telling the story, I got many accolades afterwards, including some requests for a recording of my performance. One person actually offered to pay for a recording (does that mean I'm now a professional?).
Unfortunately, the person recording the show was - in order to conserve battery power - recording the acts only, and not my patter between them. Sadly, no record of my performance exists, but I have tried to recreate the story here. It certainly loses something in the transition from spoken delivery to the written word, but I have tried to be faithful to the story. If you'd like me to perform the routine, I'm available for bar mitzvahs, weddings and birthday parties.
As a member of the board of Limmud NY, I was one of those working closely to address the heating problems at the hotel. I learned more about boilers and plumbing that weekend than I ever cared to (just ask me about the virtues of #4 oil in a #2/#6 oil world). I also learned about catering, more specifically about kosher catering, and even more specifically about kosher catering on Shabbat.
The boilers at the Nevele are located about a quarter mile up a hill behind the hotel. Once repaired and brought on-line, the boilers have to build up enough pressure to send steam down through underground pipes to the hotel to provide heat both for ventilation and the domestic water supply (i.e. the water that comes out of faucets). The boiler was repaired Friday morning and came on-line around lunch-time. When the steam finally started flowing, the first place it had to go was the kitchen so that they could start cooking Shabbat dinner.
In order to prepare the kitchen at the Nevele for kosher catering, one of the things that must happen is that the two dishwashers (one for dairy, one for meat) must be koshered - that is to say they must be cleansed with water that has reached a certain minimum temperature. This is for food safety reasons as well. Because of the Nevele's problems, the water was not getting hot enough in the meat dishwasher. Since Friday night's Shabbat dinner was a meat meal - chicken dinner for 700 people - this posed a serious problem, and our caterer, Mark, kept telling us that if the dishwasher did not get hot enough by a certain time, he would have to serve on paper goods. Yoni, the mashgiach (the person who certifies that a kosher kitchen is, well, kosher) kept monitoring the temperature but it wasn't looking good.
Now I should tell you that I am a Reform Jew who does not keep kosher. I do, however, know the laws and rules for keeping kosher - in the home. Learning about kosher catering, and the intricacies of feeding 700 people was new to me.
With 3 hours to go until Shabbat was to begin, I learned two very important facts that would make those next 3 hours among the most interesting of my life to date. First, I learned that while Mark kept referencing paper goods, he did not have those paper goods. Why should he? He assumed - and rightly so - that he would have access to a working kitchen. Second, I learned from the mashgiach that only goods delivered before Shabbat started could be used.
A mild panic began setting in as I started going over the options in my head. First of all, how many paper goods were we talking about? I asked Mark for a list of what he would need to get through Shabbat. The answer - approximately 8,000 plates, 700 soup bowls, 7,000 cups, and 10,000 pieces of plastic cutlery (All the other meals on Shabbat are buffet and between people using more plates than usual at a buffet, the goods were also needed for the snacks that were served all day long).
I immediately realized that we had two options. The first and preferable option was to see if the hotel's supplier could get us the paper goods quickly. The hotel put me in touch with their Sysco rep - Mike "something Italian." I explained what I needed, and that I needed it by about 4:30PM. He said he would call me back. I also started thinking of our back-up option - where was the closest Costco or Wal-Mart? It turned out that there is no Costco nearby, and the closest Wal-Mart was in Middletown - about a 30 minute drive away. Mike "something Italian" called me back about 15 minutes later to report that while he had the goods, he could not get a truck to us before Shabbos. These were his words - "before Shabbos." My initial reaction was, how did he know we needed this for Shabbat? I hadn't mentioned it. Then I realized - an emergency call, it's from the Nevele - a Borscht Belt hotel, they need delivery by Friday afternoon to feed several hundred people. What else could it mean?
I then thought, maybe I could go to Mike's warehouse and pick it up myself. I asked Mark the caterer whether I could get all of the paper goods in my car, and he immediately responded "no." Thinking about my friend Marco's Honda Odyssey, I asked "How about a minivan?" Again, the answer was no, so I asked Mark, exactly how much were we talking about here? He showed me a box that was about 2 feet by 2 feet by 2 feet. He said 30 or 35 of these.
Mild panic started turning to hysteria as I thought of 700 people who, although the heat was now spreading through the building, were still fairly cold and uncomfortable, and how to tell them, "Sorry - no meals during Shabbat because the dishwasher couldn't get hot enough." I figured that any effort was better than none, and I headed to my car which I prayed, given the cold temperatures, would start. It did, and I started racing towards Middletown. Along the way, I called a fellow board member, told him where I was headed, and asked him to call me if there were any updates, such as the temperature getting high enough in the dishwasher.
I ran into Wal-Mart, grabbed two shopping carts to start, and headed to the paper goods aisle. The first thing I noticed was that they had the plates, but they were made of Styrofoam. We strive as an organization to be as ecologically conscious as possible, and Styrofoam is a big no-no. Hmmm - Styrofoam or food for 700 people? That decision was easy.
I next looked for cups and cutlery, and an impending heart attack was prevented by my phone ringing. As I noticed that Wal-Mart had only about one tenth of the cutlery and cups that I would need, I got a call that they had found cups at the hotel, and that the moshgiach had said we could use our cutlery as it had been koshered properly after its last use. This was good news too because as the caterer had pointed out, there was no way that all of the plates, bowls, cups and cutlery could have ever fit into my car.
I still needed to get 8,000 plates and 700 soup bowls back to the hotel before Shabbat started (they only had 650 soup bowls so I hoped that some people would not be in the mood for soup that night). I filled my two big shopping carts until they were overflowing and navigated my way - pushing one cart and pulling another - to the cashier. Waiting on line, the older gentleman behind me showed me that he had only 3 items and asked if he could go ahead of my enormous load. My vehement "NO!!" was followed by a sincere apology that while I could not explain why at this moment, every second counted.
As the cashier scanned each item, I packed them carefully directly back in the shopping carts so that none would fall out in the parking lot as they had on my way to the cashier. Another woman passed and said, "I know - you must have a pizza joint." I replied that she was wrong, but again that there was no way I could explain right now. I made it to my car where I just started throwing packs upon packs of plates and soup bowls into every available space.
I got in the car and called our team at the hotel, asking how much time I had until Shabbat started. I was told 24 minutes. I punched the Nevele's address into my GPS which told me that the trip would take 26 minutes. As I started racing back up Route 17, only one thought was present in my mind. How was I going to explain this to the state trooper that pulls me over?
Constant monitoring of my mirrors and scanning the road ahead seemed to keep me safe from being stopped for speeding. Ten minutes away, I called the conference team and told them I needed a bucket brigade standing by to unload my car and get the goods into the kitchen. About two miles away I was back in walkie-talkie range and broadcast that I would be there momentarily. I screeched to a stop in front of the hotel and a gang of about 10 student volunteers were waiting. My car was unloaded in about 30 seconds, and the plates and bowls were brought into the kitchen. Time check: One minute until Shabbat.
I finally started breathing again. And that was the best Shabbat dinner I ever had.
I had been asked to be the M.C. for our big Sunday night event - a Catskills-style variety show. I had prepared some shtick in advance and was looking forward to being a "kosher ham." Little did I know that the problems with the heat would have provided me with a story which, when I told it between acts at the show, turned out to be one of the highlights of the weekend. Aside from the laughs I got while telling the story, I got many accolades afterwards, including some requests for a recording of my performance. One person actually offered to pay for a recording (does that mean I'm now a professional?).
Unfortunately, the person recording the show was - in order to conserve battery power - recording the acts only, and not my patter between them. Sadly, no record of my performance exists, but I have tried to recreate the story here. It certainly loses something in the transition from spoken delivery to the written word, but I have tried to be faithful to the story. If you'd like me to perform the routine, I'm available for bar mitzvahs, weddings and birthday parties.
As a member of the board of Limmud NY, I was one of those working closely to address the heating problems at the hotel. I learned more about boilers and plumbing that weekend than I ever cared to (just ask me about the virtues of #4 oil in a #2/#6 oil world). I also learned about catering, more specifically about kosher catering, and even more specifically about kosher catering on Shabbat.
The boilers at the Nevele are located about a quarter mile up a hill behind the hotel. Once repaired and brought on-line, the boilers have to build up enough pressure to send steam down through underground pipes to the hotel to provide heat both for ventilation and the domestic water supply (i.e. the water that comes out of faucets). The boiler was repaired Friday morning and came on-line around lunch-time. When the steam finally started flowing, the first place it had to go was the kitchen so that they could start cooking Shabbat dinner.
In order to prepare the kitchen at the Nevele for kosher catering, one of the things that must happen is that the two dishwashers (one for dairy, one for meat) must be koshered - that is to say they must be cleansed with water that has reached a certain minimum temperature. This is for food safety reasons as well. Because of the Nevele's problems, the water was not getting hot enough in the meat dishwasher. Since Friday night's Shabbat dinner was a meat meal - chicken dinner for 700 people - this posed a serious problem, and our caterer, Mark, kept telling us that if the dishwasher did not get hot enough by a certain time, he would have to serve on paper goods. Yoni, the mashgiach (the person who certifies that a kosher kitchen is, well, kosher) kept monitoring the temperature but it wasn't looking good.
Now I should tell you that I am a Reform Jew who does not keep kosher. I do, however, know the laws and rules for keeping kosher - in the home. Learning about kosher catering, and the intricacies of feeding 700 people was new to me.
With 3 hours to go until Shabbat was to begin, I learned two very important facts that would make those next 3 hours among the most interesting of my life to date. First, I learned that while Mark kept referencing paper goods, he did not have those paper goods. Why should he? He assumed - and rightly so - that he would have access to a working kitchen. Second, I learned from the mashgiach that only goods delivered before Shabbat started could be used.
A mild panic began setting in as I started going over the options in my head. First of all, how many paper goods were we talking about? I asked Mark for a list of what he would need to get through Shabbat. The answer - approximately 8,000 plates, 700 soup bowls, 7,000 cups, and 10,000 pieces of plastic cutlery (All the other meals on Shabbat are buffet and between people using more plates than usual at a buffet, the goods were also needed for the snacks that were served all day long).
I immediately realized that we had two options. The first and preferable option was to see if the hotel's supplier could get us the paper goods quickly. The hotel put me in touch with their Sysco rep - Mike "something Italian." I explained what I needed, and that I needed it by about 4:30PM. He said he would call me back. I also started thinking of our back-up option - where was the closest Costco or Wal-Mart? It turned out that there is no Costco nearby, and the closest Wal-Mart was in Middletown - about a 30 minute drive away. Mike "something Italian" called me back about 15 minutes later to report that while he had the goods, he could not get a truck to us before Shabbos. These were his words - "before Shabbos." My initial reaction was, how did he know we needed this for Shabbat? I hadn't mentioned it. Then I realized - an emergency call, it's from the Nevele - a Borscht Belt hotel, they need delivery by Friday afternoon to feed several hundred people. What else could it mean?
I then thought, maybe I could go to Mike's warehouse and pick it up myself. I asked Mark the caterer whether I could get all of the paper goods in my car, and he immediately responded "no." Thinking about my friend Marco's Honda Odyssey, I asked "How about a minivan?" Again, the answer was no, so I asked Mark, exactly how much were we talking about here? He showed me a box that was about 2 feet by 2 feet by 2 feet. He said 30 or 35 of these.
Mild panic started turning to hysteria as I thought of 700 people who, although the heat was now spreading through the building, were still fairly cold and uncomfortable, and how to tell them, "Sorry - no meals during Shabbat because the dishwasher couldn't get hot enough." I figured that any effort was better than none, and I headed to my car which I prayed, given the cold temperatures, would start. It did, and I started racing towards Middletown. Along the way, I called a fellow board member, told him where I was headed, and asked him to call me if there were any updates, such as the temperature getting high enough in the dishwasher.
I ran into Wal-Mart, grabbed two shopping carts to start, and headed to the paper goods aisle. The first thing I noticed was that they had the plates, but they were made of Styrofoam. We strive as an organization to be as ecologically conscious as possible, and Styrofoam is a big no-no. Hmmm - Styrofoam or food for 700 people? That decision was easy.
I next looked for cups and cutlery, and an impending heart attack was prevented by my phone ringing. As I noticed that Wal-Mart had only about one tenth of the cutlery and cups that I would need, I got a call that they had found cups at the hotel, and that the moshgiach had said we could use our cutlery as it had been koshered properly after its last use. This was good news too because as the caterer had pointed out, there was no way that all of the plates, bowls, cups and cutlery could have ever fit into my car.
I still needed to get 8,000 plates and 700 soup bowls back to the hotel before Shabbat started (they only had 650 soup bowls so I hoped that some people would not be in the mood for soup that night). I filled my two big shopping carts until they were overflowing and navigated my way - pushing one cart and pulling another - to the cashier. Waiting on line, the older gentleman behind me showed me that he had only 3 items and asked if he could go ahead of my enormous load. My vehement "NO!!" was followed by a sincere apology that while I could not explain why at this moment, every second counted.
As the cashier scanned each item, I packed them carefully directly back in the shopping carts so that none would fall out in the parking lot as they had on my way to the cashier. Another woman passed and said, "I know - you must have a pizza joint." I replied that she was wrong, but again that there was no way I could explain right now. I made it to my car where I just started throwing packs upon packs of plates and soup bowls into every available space.
I got in the car and called our team at the hotel, asking how much time I had until Shabbat started. I was told 24 minutes. I punched the Nevele's address into my GPS which told me that the trip would take 26 minutes. As I started racing back up Route 17, only one thought was present in my mind. How was I going to explain this to the state trooper that pulls me over?
Constant monitoring of my mirrors and scanning the road ahead seemed to keep me safe from being stopped for speeding. Ten minutes away, I called the conference team and told them I needed a bucket brigade standing by to unload my car and get the goods into the kitchen. About two miles away I was back in walkie-talkie range and broadcast that I would be there momentarily. I screeched to a stop in front of the hotel and a gang of about 10 student volunteers were waiting. My car was unloaded in about 30 seconds, and the plates and bowls were brought into the kitchen. Time check: One minute until Shabbat.
I finally started breathing again. And that was the best Shabbat dinner I ever had.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Maybe People Now Will Understand What I Do For a Living
It has always been a challenge to articulate to most people outside of healthcare what I do for a living. I don't find this unusual as it involves some specialized knowledge.
Today's front pages of the NY Times and Wall Street Journal and the lead story on CNN.com, however, are going a long way towards explaining at least a sizeable chunk. I work with healthcare providers in various settings (e.g. hospitals, community health centers, private practices) to achieve improved patient outcomes and organizational efficiency through technology enablement. Electronic Health Records (EHRs) are a big part of that, and I have been working with them since the early '80s.
For the most part, computers automate a business process. It may be complex, but it is still very black & white, if/then type of computing. Using computers in clinical care, however, is automating something that is part science and part art - a much more significant challenge.
With all the attention being focused now on EHRs, I am optimistic that more people will understand what I do, and that my mom will stop referring to me as a "computer jock."
Today's front pages of the NY Times and Wall Street Journal and the lead story on CNN.com, however, are going a long way towards explaining at least a sizeable chunk. I work with healthcare providers in various settings (e.g. hospitals, community health centers, private practices) to achieve improved patient outcomes and organizational efficiency through technology enablement. Electronic Health Records (EHRs) are a big part of that, and I have been working with them since the early '80s.
For the most part, computers automate a business process. It may be complex, but it is still very black & white, if/then type of computing. Using computers in clinical care, however, is automating something that is part science and part art - a much more significant challenge.
With all the attention being focused now on EHRs, I am optimistic that more people will understand what I do, and that my mom will stop referring to me as a "computer jock."
Monday, January 05, 2009
My iPhone Report
I have had a Blackberry for many years and loved it. The interface was intuitive, it did what I needed it to do, and was stable as a rock. Unfortunately, my firm no longer supports them and I had to choose between a Windows Mobile device or an iPhone 3G.
Being a Windows kinda guy, I was very heavily leaning towards a WinMo device (the HTC Fuze) for a host of reasons most of which are too technical for this diatribe. I ended up, however, going with an iPhone. My Blackberry experience was actually one of the reasons – I liked that I had one place to go if I had any support questions or issues on both the software and the device itself – something not available in a WinMo device. Here then, are my musings on the good and the bad.
The Good
- The design – just can’t beat it
- HTML e-mail – yippee!!
- An excuse to hang out at the Apple store
- Small form factor
- Incredible web surfing experience – especially when using Wi-Fi
- Free use of AT&T Wi-Fi hotspots including all Starbucks
- YouTube videos that stream beautifully and with good sound
- The App Store – OMG! What ingenious and useful tools, many for free, others for as little as $0.99. My favorites include preflight and Flight Update (very helpful for frequent travelers like myself), OpenTable (utilizes the GPS to find restaurants near you), and the Google app which includes voice search capability that is pretty darned accurate. Of course my kids’ favorite is iFart (iPhone therefore iFart?).
- Incredibly easy to use out of the box and setting up multiple e-mail accounts was a snap
- The camera is pretty darned good even if it doesn’t have a flash
- Voice quality is decent, though I’d like a tad bit more volume for my aging ears
- Same cables and power adapters as my iPod so I have multiples for home, office and traveling
- So far, very good 3G signal in NYC and Boston – haven’t traveled elsewhere with it yet
The Bad
- No physical keyboard. Although I’m better after some use, my fat fingers still can’t type as fast as I could on a BB. And the Apple e-mail function does not support using the keyboard in landscape mode the way that the Safari browser does. I did get a $0.99 app called Big KeyBoard which is a little klugey but helps.
- No cut & paste function. Never realized how much I used it until it was gone.
- No multiple e-mail signatures. I have a different sig for my work and personal accounts, but the iPhone only supports one sig for all messages sent from the device.
- Battery life sucks – especially compared to a BB. Can’t get through a full day even with relatively light usage and keeping Wi-Fi and GPS turned off.
- Ringer is not terribly loud, even at the highest setting.
All in all, it is definitely a fun toy. I got it just before the holidays so haven’t really tested it a lot from a work or business travel standpoint. I do, however, feel like I joined a club which was once relatively exclusive. Now that Wal-Mart will be selling them, I just don’t know . . .
UPDATE: Forgot to mention that it is also, essentially, an iPod providing all the audio and video capabilities of that fine device, though the videos are on a much bigger screen on the iPhone. I still keep a separate iPod because I don't want to drain the battery on the phone, I keep my entire music library and a sizable video library on the iPod (which won't fit on the iPhone) and also hook up my iPod to hotel televisions when I travel (though you can do the same with the iPhone).
I also figured out that if I create ringtones from music, the volume is much louder. Now, if you're standing anywhere near me and Sweet Home Alabama starts to blast from my pants, you'll know my phone is ringing.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Robin Williams Clip
This clip of Robin Williams performing in England shortly after Obama was elected is quite good, and I especially like his reference to the fact that with George W. Bush now almost out of office, the "Reign of Error" is coming to an end.
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